Monday, November 3, 2008

Reciprocity

I worked out an entire beginning.  Comments/criticism is really, very badly wanted.

It was not the rotten sweetness of three-day old trash that startled her entrance nor was it the thin cloud of fruit flies having descended on the scrapings of her morning dishes. It was neither of these things that left her breathless in the doorway, paralyzed and disgusted by the static nature of tasks undone. “Take out the garbage,” was in fact scratched low on her traveling list of must-dos, and the dishes, and the laundry -- her laundry, defrosting the freezer and sweeping the floors. It was, rather, coming home to her own voiceless echoes – the cold jingle of house keys dropped on pink Formica, the snap of cabinets opened and shut, the airy and almost inaudible buzz of warming television tubes, and her erratic breathing, proof that she may never grow accustomed to this kind of loneliness.

A strict and icy breeze crept through the open doorway, wrapping around her stockinged legs. She was suddenly roused enough to set down her brown bag groceries, snatch the stinking bags of trash and step outside once more to deposit them into the dented metal garbage can, where they would later be claimed. She couldn't help being envious that even the refuse of her solitary life had an explicit belonging to some one and some place. And then she went inside where at least the warmth made it bearable to remember the expectations of making dinner for two and a nightcap before bed with the body of a husband.

Behind her the door sighed shut. She pried off her scuffed mary-janes and thought to put away the eggs and butter before they went bad. She thought also to scrub the dirty dishes in her kitchen sink before considering the bugs a presence she was not ready to part with just yet.

1 comment:

tmamone said...

I like it so far. You definitely have a knack for setting up scenery. I see that a lot in your blog entries.

Forgive me for nit picking, but why would a breeze be strict? "Harsh" might be a better word.

Ever read "The Elements of Style?" That's a good book all writers should have.

I'm interested in reading more.