Tuesday, February 24, 2009

underneath the covers

Sometimes I truly feel like I'll never find my place in the Army lifestyle.  If I were paid per avoided confrontation I could drop all of this business of higher education.  I am not a conservative republican.  I am not a conservative...anything.  I am not religious in the Christian sense or in any other conventional sense.  I just don't fit those molds and I really, really, really hate it when someone advertises their belief/moral/value system by talking shit about "the others."  

When I think of the "democratic mindset," I think "tolerance."  I think of humanity and equality and advocating for people who deserve better.  It's difficult for me to respect a person who tells me that they know the difference between political supporters and have all their life, hence their staunch alignment with [fill in the blank]-ism.  What that speaks to me is close-minded-ism, in flashing neon language.  

While my blood pressure rises and my ability to sit at the table, composed, begins to lessen, I smile so as not to upset the dynamic of a situation.  I don't have a problem with the little foundational stone of free thought or free speech for that matter, it's when you, who knows nothing about me begins to explain how my entire ethical make-up is skewed.  I don't wage war on those who are different from me on the sole basis of difference, in fact, The Staff Sergeant himself is rooted in an opposing thought process.  But it burns me up when your self aggrandized notions are compelled to leap above such a simple and humble element as respect.  

What I don't understand is how you don't get that.  Despite the refuse of the last eight years and the continual fracturing of The Church, I don't think I pass personal judgment so simply.  I don't think you're wrong for not voting the same way as me or for praying to God or whomever your prayers reach.  I just wish I could be myself without threatening you or causing a heated debate over coffee.  I wish that I didn't feel the need to mask the pieces that make me because good people come in all flavors.  There is no need for immediate divisions, we're all left behind, we're all directly attached to war whether or not we agree with it, whether or not we reach upward or outward with our minds or politics or scriptures.  Life is very, very gray for you to have painted your vision of it so black and so white.  


Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. In the Christian community there's a real "us vs. them" mentality; that supposedly the liberals, gays, and evolutionists are at war with the Church, or something like that. Instead of shoving my beliefs down other people's throats, I'd much rather have a two-way converstation with some one where we both discuss and explain our sides of the story. That way we can hopefully both learn something.

Tania said...

Ugh...I try to avoid confrontations like these as well. When in its face, I do the same thing....bite my tongue, smile, and make my way out.