Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction..."

"...When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person." - Richard Bach

When I awoke at 7:41am, my body's current and strangely consistant waking hour, I had a message waiting patiently for me on my computer - an explanation of an answer I had requested. Despite it's trivial role in the many words, "soulmates" stuck out. I thought for the half hour I allowed for getting ready, and the 10 minute drive to work, and even since arriving at my office, "Is there such a thing?"

I surely thought that in high school, Matt was mine, until I realized he wasn't. And that was because I was certain that it was The Musician, until that didn't work out as planned. When I met The Virginian, I knew I would never date all know the rest of that story - not soulmates.

Even though at some point in any of the above mentioned relationships I would have sworn that I had found my end-all, I would have been wrong - SO wrong (sorry, gentlemen!). So how does one know - REALLY know when you have found your "soulmate"? I've heard it before "I just knew", no, no...I want something more concrete than that. And I'm aware that I desire a bit much when it comes to certainty...a pre-marital counselor told me once that what I was looking for, as far as absolution, would never exist because every relationship - at best - is a gamble. My stomach knots when I think about the impossibility of there being a definitive answer in the beginning! Yet, I guess it makes it safe to assume that I haven't made any mistakes in my decisions thus far to end any previous relationship.

I'd like to think that the clouds might part and the booming voice of God will announce the conclusion of my search, or that Mr. Right will come, having been sent by the stars with delivery confirmation - item description, "soulmate". I've never really considered myself to be a person skeptical of the abstract, but it becomes more apparent each day that I have a high value for the definite. So maybe it was crazy to invest five years in a relationship with a year and half of it long distance, and crazier still to move to the East Coast, and sticking with trend, to be driving to North Carolina next week to see someone I haven't been face-to-face with in 10 months...but my Mom commends me because I move on opportunities no matter how outlandish they seem on paper. And while I've developed a laughable reputation for following my heart, I do explore opportunites and I find the answer to the "what if" questions - eventually.

Coming back to the original question of whether or not there is a partner destined for each one of us who we can later call our "soulmate," I supposed I do hold out hope that we are each wandering around until we cross paths with "the one". I don't know that he will meet my every expectation, but the core of him will hopefully fit to mine without wiggle room. And maybe when I'm wrinkled and gray I'll have the privilege of telling my posterity with confidence that, "I just knew - definitely."

...if I'm wrong, I've still got the "cat lady" back-up...and many, many degrees to be earned :)

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