21 of 30: giving (some ideas and reflections)

• I went back by Borders to re-browse the Gaiam section while DVDs and cds are still 50% off - this is one of the ways that the digression of corporations makes me happy (even though I really love Borders in particular). I picked up cardio burn sculpt, cardio burn dance for weight loss, and cardio burn kickbox. After last night's cardio burn yoga success, I opted to give dance a try. I really like Patricia Moreno, who happens to lead both videos. I had a blast reliving my many years in tap, and when I finished I dabbled in the strength plan listed in this month's Health magazine. My arms feel that kind of tired sensation that means they will ache all day tomorrow and then more so the next, but it's wonderful to think that I might be able to obtain Madonna-arms one day. [a girl can dream]

• I made it another day within my caloric goals and that even included the Ben & Jerry's chocolate-brownie-fro-yo-heaven-in-a-carton this time, and a beer. I've been a little tired of pre-packaged food so I searched for something yummy I could make and landed on Cooking Light's blackened chicken and grilled avocado tacos. Quite tasty!

• Band of Brothers totally captivated me today. The History Channel was airing a marathon, so I sat in the living room floor researching Middle Eastern food after stumbling across a recipe for Za'atar flatbread in my artisan bread book last night. I was hours into this before I realized how funny it was considering the army-ness my life is so steeped in these days. I wrote The Staff Sergeant [another] e-mail to tell him how blatantly on my mind he was.

• Tomorrow I've got tentative plans to hunt down some herb seeds so I can get some sprouts growing for the plant stand on my side porch. I'm thinking Basil, Cilantro, Mint, Lavender, and I've been toying with thoughts of upside down tomato plants, although I'm not sure where I can hang them. I may have to settle for the normal growing method, right-side-up with cages.

• My interest has been piqued by the idea of homemade cleaners and skin care. I'm not completely sold on the commitment of that kind of self-sustenance but I like it in theory. I added several books to my Amazon wish list this afternoon just to keep the titles handy while I mull it over.

• I'm thinking about sending dinner to my soldier - making and canning a yummy tomato sauce and a batch of homemade pasta. I can't send prime rib or anything, but that would just be a matter of boiling noodles and heating up the sauce and it's still all home cooked. (Now he'll start reading my blog and the surprise will be lost...)

Dear Birthday Fairy:

To mark my 25th year I would like a bottle of this - 

For this to come early - 

A little more of this -

A LOT of this -

And maybe one of these?

(that last one was for the kittens whose lives I save by loving this ring.  Don't sweat, Sweetheart, it has nothing to do with you!  It's all for the kittens...)

Ah-hem...

Inside is a wee, little letter! Is it really ever too soon to begin a Christmas list?

*Secret Messenger Necklace, found at etsy.com

I only wrote it 'cause I know he CAN'T be reading [now].

It happened last summer, too. Channels of information would barrel by, sideswiping me in the gossipy whirl of the newly engaged. I tried to let the confetti fall then with less effect, then when I was raw and refusing to heal. And now full on love also, I mask the sting of envy but artfully, more optimistically, more contented. I have found that I actually am glad for those embarking upon such a merging, in the same way I have grown to appreciate friend's whose soldiers have returned while mine remains away. It is one of the most grown-up lessons I've learned thus far, to be happy for others when the same place inside is filled with only echoes.

I'm one of those girls who dates with agenda, who loves with future visions, and scribbles a familiar first name with possible lasts [Mrs. The Staff Sergeant]. And for the first time, I am not met with similar views. I brought up the taboo language of Marriage once, too early of course. It blew up with a cacophony of offense and defense, blubbering and recoiling. We survived though.

- I'm sorry about last night.

- I'm sorry it scared me.

We carry with us the heavy weights of childhood impressions, though I am unsure why I want it so - the last name, the family-of-two, the Home anchor. But I do. I do ten-fold when he's gone and I'm weary from absence, and wondering, but pretty sure he doesn't think about Us that way. And week after week more futures spin by like trains with destinations I cannot see. Life works out how it should, I know, but there's no one I could imagine being more perfect than him. There is no one else I would willingly follow to the ends of the earth, through the obstacle course of Army, and war.

We're closing in on a year and maybe it seems rushed to claim readiness. But don't they say that when you know, you know?

The Christmas list begins with...

1)

How cute is this?
(without the girly, side embellishments)
["tote" from DigiCouture]

2. Food Saver vacuum sealer

...and anything else tagged under "wish list"

YUM!

I want this: The Soul of a New Cuisine: A Discovery of the Foods and Flavors of Africa

The other stuff.

A lot of what I've written lately has revolved around matters of the heart. I'm sorry, it's distracting. You've all [hopefully] been there...[more than] smitten. The following is an update of life in addition to my amorous chronicles:

Mom has already spilled the beans regarding Christmas gifts. This year I'll be getting a queen size mattress that doesn't sag or fall through Dad's homemade platform bed frame, and my grandmother's 1920-something engagement setting adorned with an antique [conflict-free] diamond solitaire.

WAIT!

Before you jump to conclusions [and I know that if you know me, you are], it is not being passed on as an heirloom symbol of engagement. I already promised to exclude any reference to romance, so breathe and calm your racing pulses! It's just beautiful and it was given to me a few years ago by an aunt [sans rock]. It's very, very, [very] small...maybe 1/8th of a carat? But it's size is to be expected. It was purchased in an[other] era of war and somewhere around the beginning of depression...so it's sweet and sentimental and I'm really excited to finally have it once again intact.

Speaking of the infamous fam, Mom will be kindly serving my unknowing father with divorce papers next week. She just wanted me to have a "heads-up"...I was really more inclined to be heads down, over the toilet, sick with upset. No matter, it's coming [can you hear the rumble of impending discourse?]. If possible, I'll attempt to brace myself for the onslaught. Part of that plan includes sitting out on Thanksgiving. I'm staying planted for one of the two dreaded holidays. The [not so] Future Californian has expressed possible interest in spending it with me in rebellion, and The Staff Sergeant might possibly be game, and Mom claims that she might make the drive to Nashville, and maybe a cousin...I just want to lose myself in the preparation of a bird and cornbread dressing and cranberry sauce [even if I spend it alone].

In other news...I love the new[ish] job. Love, love love it! I love the people and the atmosphere, and today I fell in love with a china pattern, or rather, a mix of 3:

Richard Ginori, "Duchessa Gold"
Royal Crown Derby (accent plate only), "Indian Summer"
Haviland, "Laque de Chine Gold" (charger only), in "brick"

Again, WAIT! I haven't "picked out china"! Breathe, my friends. I will gladly accept these items in accordance with any/all upcoming occasions for gift-giving [Christmas, my birthday, just because you like me, etc.].

Now that you've gotten your BPM's down to a level of normalcy, I think Macbeth and I have kicked the flea infestation. I've become a domestic, baking machine [again] and I LOVE it [again]! I've also sworn off sweets, alcohol, and eating out while The Staff Sergeant is out of town in an effort to drop a few pounds [so my jeans fit]. I needed a project to focus on, and today marks the second of my 30-day gym commitment. No, the sudden cool-down is not a result of Hell freezing over, so don't ask or comment.

That's a fairly conclusive and loveless update on my life as I know it. I'm sure next week's earth-shaking debut of legal papers will prompt some interesting words. Until then, I may post again about missing my soldier.

The Complete Untitled Film Stills

Start taking notes for the upcoming holidays 'cause I so want this!

Shake it like a Polaroid Picture

I've suddenly been bitten by the desire to possess a Polaroid camera. Deterred only by the price of film, I have been flirting with the purchase...mostly skimming Ebay for a fabulous bargain.

I want to embark upon a year long mission - a photo per day. With the film cartridges sitting around $10/20 pics, they certainly wouldn't all be the product of an old school instant camera, but the vintage look for some would be great.

It would be a fun (and challenging) way to get back in touch with the photographer in me...if she still exists.

It actually links into a bigger possible project, but the world isn't ready yet for it's unveiling.